Tina Tower [00:00:00]:
Hello and welcome to her Empire Builder Show. I am your host, Tina Tower. It is so great to be here with you today. Today I'm talking about navigating self doubt as a business owner because I think that it doesn't really matter what stage of business that we're up to, it's going to come creeping in at different stages of life and of the journey. And what I want to impart with you in this episode is we all navigate self doubt, but what we need to figure out is how do we show anyway, how do we keep going, how do we fall forward? And so if you've ever spiraled into self doubt and you've questioned everything that you're doing, welcome to being a business owner. Because I do think that that is part of the ride. Every time you get to your edge and want to push past into the next stage of growth, that is something that you're going to go through. And I want you to know you're not alone in that.

Main Episode

Tina Tower [00:00:57]:
I have been through this cycle many, many times and I'm going to tell you like a couple of stories of when I've been in this massive self doubt spiral and how I have then gotten over that. So, you know, there's, there's a couple of key moments. I mean I've been in business 21 years, there's many of these. But if I think like the most recent ones since I've been running her Empire Builder. So that's been going for six years now. And probably one of my biggest ones was when we reached our first 100 members inside. So when I started the goal was what if one day I could build this business while having this lifestyle and making 20,000amonth, that was my like ultimate dream. That's all I wanted when I started this business.

Tina Tower [00:01:49]:
It is the only thing that I have ever done that has exceeded, exceeded my expectations. On our first launch I thought I would get 10 people, we got 32. It has grown so well organically because of the results that our members get and because just such a beautiful community. I mean the people we have inside, they're just lovely. And so people stay for a long time, which is great. But when we reached our first hundred members, that was when my real like I hit that first wall of self doubt in going, gosh, I don't know, I don't like, I feel really shaky and unsure of the future because I had created it in a way that was very high touch point. And so I was really operating it like a very intimate mastermind. But we had 100 people now.

Tina Tower [00:02:40]:
And so I got to that point and I was like, have I done the wrong thing? Like, do I? Do I close this and start again? Like, what do I do? How am I going to move through this? And so I think one of the first keys is figuring out, like, how did you get to the part that you're at where you're like, whoa, what have I done? Like, I'm feeling that, that element of self doubt. And then how do you move through it? Like, what's the solution? And sometimes the solution is quitting can be the best thing that you can do, but sometimes, most of the time it's not. And so in my case with that, what I did was I decided to change the offer. So then going forward, the people that we had in that first hundred members, I made them Empress Circle. I decided not to add anyone to it, and I didn't add anyone to it for three years. I was like, I'm just going to leave that there and let those people stay on this phenomenal offer that they have and keep that going. And then I changed the offer going forward for what her empire builder was going to look like in the future so that it was more sustainable and more scalable. And the choice there was, do I do that or.

Tina Tower [00:03:48]:
Or do I keep it at 100, not launch anymore, not sell it anymore, like, just. Just keep it like that. Which was also a very tempting thing to do. But me then was like, I want to keep growing. I want to see how big I can get this. I want to see how big an impact I can make for people, and I really want to help more people. So that was how I moved through that one. The other stage that I have been in, where I nearly threw it all away, was after my son had his accident.

Tina Tower [00:04:18]:
So if you've followed me for a long time, you would. You would know this. But if you're new, welcome. It's nice to have you in our slice of the world. But my son had a really bad accident at the end of 2021. And so by that stage, we were nearly two years into her empire builder. And it was. It was one of the most difficult things that I have been through, where I was getting a lot of panic attacks afterwards.

Tina Tower [00:04:41]:
And I found it really hard to create the content that I needed to create with the same amount of energy and enthusiasm as what I had before. And really went into this stage of going, maybe I just stop, maybe I just disappear. Maybe this is it. Maybe we're at the end of the road. And I do know that there is different times that we get to in life. And actually what saved me was my beautiful members at the time. Like there was. So I still remember one, there was one masterclass.

Tina Tower [00:05:11]:
So he had his accident in the October, early October. And so I took a month off and I was lucky. I had a really great trusty sidekick, Jarrah, who kept it going in that time. And then. So I came back for my first masterclass in November and I had a full panic attack before we started. And I ended up like laying on the floor and like trying to breathe and trying to work myself through it. And it's not. I've had anxiety come and go a lot, a lot in my life.

Tina Tower [00:05:41]:
And so there was, there was like moments where, you know, I knew how to talk myself around with it. I can, I can often mind over matter a lot of things, but. But what had happened in the aftermath of that, I couldn't really mind over matter a lot of it. And so I never am late, I'm never late, I never miss a lesson. I never reschedule anything. Literally in six years, I haven't not showed up for a scheduled masterclass once. I haven't. Like, if I reschedule, like I reschedule six months in advance when I know something's there.

Tina Tower [00:06:16]:
Like I've never got to the week before and gone. I can't do that now. Never. That does not happen. And I know that that sounds like a really unrealistic expectation, but I know how busy people are and if they've put something in their calendar, I never want to mess with that. And so I've just never done it. And so it never crossed my mind to go, you're not your best self right now. You're not going to deliver the best thing for them.

Tina Tower [00:06:40]:
Let's just cancel this. Because I was like, I've got a hundred people on the other end of this call that are waiting for me to teach them something valuable. And so I showed up and I started and I got about two minutes in and I was so clammy and my heart was racing a million mile an hour and I felt really faint. And often I find like when you name it, it gets a lot better. And so I just like took a breath and went, I'm so sorry. This is what I'm feeling at the moment. This is how I'm doing. And everyone was so beautiful.

Tina Tower [00:07:14]:
I mean, of course they were like, most of our members are mums. They resonate with that. They know how hard I work, they know how seriously I take it, they know the expectations that I put on myself for that. And I had so much, so many messages in the chat box and going like, we're here for you. Also, don't worry, get off the call, look after yourself, we're going to be okay. And I really think if it wasn't for the support of my members in that time, I probably would have chucked it all in. I wouldn't have been able to get through that. And that is sometimes so like my reasoning that I'm telling you both of these stories is sometimes we need to know how to get over things ourselves and be able to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps kind of thing.

Tina Tower [00:08:01]:
And then other times, let yourself be held up by others. And I think that as women especially, it is often really hard to accept help. We don't ever want to appear weak. I know in my case that was, that was definitely my issue, was I didn't want people to think I couldn't cope. I didn't want people to think I wasn't okay. And so I wanted to put on like this brave face and soldier on. The more I did that, the worse it got. And so the more I was open and honest about it, the less power it had.

Tina Tower [00:08:35]:
And then eventually, like over the, over the coming months I was fine. And you know, I got the occasional thing right up. Probably for about three or four months after his accident. I'd just come in the weirdest times in the most odd scenarios and usually very inconveniently, but I had so much support around me and that's really what got it done. And so self doubt can show up for all number of reasons. Sometimes we're in different situations that will remind us of big traumatic things that we've gone through in the past that's not like logically connected, but the feeling can be the same. So what I think is our brains are wired for safety, safety. It's not wired for success.

Tina Tower [00:09:24]:
So our brains are constantly trying to keep us safe, which is great. That's what we're wired to do. But as we keep growing, as we try and do something that's out of our comfort zone, as we try and push past the edge of kind of what we've been capable of so far, that will kick in even more because your brain's trying to keep you safe. It doesn't want you to go into the land where you're being vulnerable, where you're in a situation where you don't know how you're going to perform I mean, I think like take going live for the first time or stepping onto a big stage, it's the same sort of thing that your brain is going, warning, warning, like you're not safe here. And so that is when it's going to give you all of these sorts of self doubt so that you can keep yourself right safe where you are. And I think that a lot of the time people think they're afraid of failure, but more people I talk to are actually more afraid of success than they are of failure. And that can sound really counterintuitive because if I asked you logically, are you more afraid of success than you are of failure? 9 out of 10 people are going to say, oh my gosh, no, I want success, it's failure I don't want. But what I find is we're actually pretty good at dealing with failure.

Tina Tower [00:10:40]:
Think of all of the epic failures that you've had in your life so far. You survived, you bounced forward, you sorted that shit out. Whereas when you get successful, that is when life changes, that is when your expectations of yourself will change, that is when other people's expectations on you will change. That is when you feel like you need to live up to this new success that you have experienced and you've got further to fall, which makes it even scarier. And so I do think that the higher you climb, the more visibility, the more pressure you will feel and the higher expectations that you'll put not only on yourself, but, but other people will put on you as well. And so that's when like imposter syndrome starts coming in, which is so prevalent. The language of this, with that whole feeling of like, who am I to be doing this? Like, am I good enough? Can I hold this space? And the one thing I would tell you is you do it for long enough. I mean, I get asked in podcast interviews all the time, do you feel imposter syndrome? And I say no.

Tina Tower [00:11:42]:
And it can sound super arrogant. And this is where I also think sometimes people are afraid to tell the truth because they don't want people to think that they're super arrogant. But I genuinely think I have been a try hard my whole life. And I don't say that in a derogatory way. I say it in the way of I have tried my hardest like a for effort since I was a little girl. I am such an A type personality. I want everything. Like my expectations on myself are so super high and I have constantly moved myself out of my comfort zone.

Tina Tower [00:12:15]:
I'm constantly trying to do better than Before, I am not big on comparison, but I am very big on comparing myself to my past self. And I always want to keep improving and keep growing. And so with that, I think I never feel imposter syndrome because I am not surprised by the success that I have because I have worked at it for such a long time. I have pushed through so many different things that I do feel like I've earned what I have. And I think imposter syndrome is something that happens to us early on. And it was there early on, like when I started franchising, there was a lot of that in going, gosh, who am I to be doing this? Like teaching all these other people, they're paying me so much money, like, can I do this? And then when I started to see the proof and I could prove it to myself, then that started to dissipate. Comparisonitis is also another big reason why self doubt shows up. Like comparing yourself to other people, seeing other people's highlight reels and not feeling like you're enough.

Tina Tower [00:13:16]:
And the thing that I want to tell you in that is often you're seeing people's front end. I know there's a big trend on social media now to, you know, show the back end, be more authentic. But it's like, I mean, if I see someone crying on the Internet, I'm like, that's not appropriate. It's like, oh my gosh. Because the true fact is if you're having a bad day in business and you're on there and you're like, I don't know if I can do this. This is so hard. No one's going to want to do business with you. No one's going to want to burden.

Tina Tower [00:13:50]:
And so that's going to destroy your business. And so you still need to keep a professional facade there. But you're comparing the reality where you're working so hard. Like what you do when no one's watching is the thing that's going to make the biggest difference. But you don't see that with other people. And so comparing yourself to others can really make you have a lot of self doubt and going, you know, I'm not as polished as them or I'm not as professional as them or whatever it is. So my advice there is put your blinders on, be like the horse in the horse race that has your blinders on and run your own race. Because if you can master that and only compare yourself to the you of before, it gets so much easier because that's all that you need to worry about.

Tina Tower [00:14:33]:
Like, only worry about making yourself proud. Make your past self proud. I will. Often if I'm having a series of like crisis of confidence or I'm having like self doubt creep in, or I want to do something and I feel myself holding back because I think that I'm not ready or I'm not good enough or whatever it is, I will take myself back. I have an exercise where I take myself back to a series of different ages. And I'll go, right now I'm 41 years old, so I'll go, all right, what would 35 year old Tina think about this? And so I'll go back into my body at 35 and I'll sit there and I'll look at my surroundings and I know how old my kids are, I know where I'm sitting and what house we were living in at the time. And I'll really visualize that and go, if she knew that in six years this is the opportunity that we'd have, would she be proud? Would she go for it? Would she be stoked? Like, let's visualize that. Then I'll go back to like 30 year old, 25 year old, 21 year old, 15 year old.

Tina Tower [00:15:31]:
And it's usually like by the time I get into my early 20s, she's like, Go, this is awesome. Like your past self most of the time would be so stoked. I really think that, like recently I've read there's books by Beck Wilson. She has two books that I love, Epic Retirement and Prime Time. Great books. And she's like talking about this whole like prime time of life that we get between like kids moving, moving out, like growing up and before we're old and how we've got this prime time that we can really live. And one of the things that she talks about is how many people get to their 60s and their 70s. And the stat is the biggest dip of happiness comes in your early 50s.

Tina Tower [00:16:21]:
Because that's when most people realize that the expectations that they had for their life are never actually going to be met. And so we had this big dip in happiness levels in going. What I always wanted, the visualization that I had, it's not going to happen for me. Isn't that sad? Like, I'm like, no, I am not available for that. And so what you want to be thinking about is how can you get to your 50s, your 60s and 70s, and not feel like that? I do think my life now is so wildly different to the life I imagined when I was 20. I mean, I read my Goals books from when I was 20. And it's like I want to have a $10 million house and I want to have a massive property portfolio and I want to have this and I want to have that. Like a lot of these material type things, which I don't give a shit about them now at all.

Tina Tower [00:17:18]:
And so my life is very different, but it is way better than what I could ever imagine. And that is because I didn't know in my 20s what would be important to me now and what I would value now. I didn't know it would be all about time and experiences, which is the things that I like. I want to have great relationship with my husband, with my kids, with my friends. I want to have time for health. Like a lot of it is around time feeling like I'm valuably contributing to the world and making a positive impact. Like all of these types of things. And I could never have imagined that then.

Tina Tower [00:17:53]:
But what I find really helpful is if I'm scared to do something in going back to my younger self and get her to talk me out of it. Because you are in your head all the time and you are way more persuasive than anybody else. The other thing of why self doubt shows up is isolation. This is massive in terms of self employment because we can be an echo chamber inside our own heads. Which is why I love having a coach. Since I started my business, I've had so many different coaches and mastermind programs that I've been part of. And I have continuously been either privately coached or been part of a mastermind for 20 years straight. I don't have a private coach at the moment, but I am part of masterminds.

Tina Tower [00:18:37]:
And so what that does is can get me out of my head so that if I need something kind of mirrored back to me or I'm saying something but I'm not aware of the language that I'm using, whether it's self depreciating or whatever it is. I can have other people in my mastermind go, hey, I'm not sure that that's 100% accurate. You might want to check yourself. You know, being able to have someone question you, challenge you, encourage you. Getting out of that Isol is so powerful because walking alone, it can really amplify that doubt. So the sneaky ways, once you've got that self doubt, it can be really sneaky in the way that it shows up in business. What that can look like is procrastinating on big ideas or launches. Like there's some people that I will work with inside her empire builder and they've been members for like two years and then it'll be coming into launch and I'm like, is everything organized? You've got all the social media scheduled, you've got all your emails done, like we're all organized and it's like coming in hot, I mean launches next week and they're like I'm getting there but I haven't done it yet.

Tina Tower [00:19:45]:
And they end up posting on the day and it's this big pressure filled thing and it's like a terrible experience. And I always think that is a result of self doubt. They're so worried about the result that it's paralyzing them with the fear and it's making them procrastinate on things which is then going to be like a self fulfilling prophecy. It looks like constantly tweaking and never shipping. So say you've been working on your website for a year and not selling anything yet, or you've written your course but you haven't launched it, or you've got this idea sitting there but you haven't actually brought it to life. A lot of that is because of self doubt. If you're undervaluing or underpricing your offers, this is a massive dead giveaway because of self doubt. If you're not showing up on social media, if you are avoiding visibility, massive sign of self doubt.

Tina Tower [00:20:40]:
And that is where I'm going to tell you the tools and practices of how I work through that in a moment. The other is actually so while I think don't walk alone through business like get yourself out of isolation, there's also a line where you can seek too much validation before making decisions. So I think external validation is good to a certain extent, but a lot of it, like if I give you a really basic example of this, I'll see people make their new brand board, their logo, their colors, like really basic example. But putting that forward and then posting it in the Facebook group and going, which one do people think is the best? Now if this is done as a marketing exercise to get people interested in your brand, awesome, great strategy, love that for you. But if you genuinely are going, whatever color palette people pick, I'm gonna go for that. Then not so much because you don't need the external validation. I mean branding, you need it to be clean, you need it to be clear, you need it to be bold. But what colors you use and how you do it, that's totally down to you.

Tina Tower [00:21:49]:
That's why we have so many different beautiful brands in the world. And so getting that external validation, like, do you think I should do this or do you think I should do that? I like getting opinions. I will collect as many, many opinions as I possibly can on different big things that I'm going to do. But at the end of the day, it's you internally that is going to live with the decision. So don't outsource your decision making. Have it collected and have it as different perspectives. Yes, definitely. But don't outsource your decision making to someone else now.

Tina Tower [00:22:22]:
Tools and practices to actually work through it and not fight it. Like I said at the beginning, the biggest thing is acknowledging it. So naming the thought as soon as you can. If you are feeling like, you know, for me, the dead giveaway if I'm procrastinating is if I open social media on my desktop. If I'm there and I open up Facebook or I open up Instagram, I'm like, all right, Tina, what are you avoiding? Like, what are you having trouble with here? And it's either I'm scared of the result I'm pushing out of my comfort zone or I'm bored and any of those things are going to stop me from where I'm trying to go. And so I will try and acknowledge it, say it out loud straight away, and then I will brain dump all the thoughts. So if it's something big and I'm really struggling to get through, or I'm having a really big moment of self doubt, not just like a little procrastination, but like a big self doubt, like I use the example at the beginning of going, should I scrap this business? You know, I will sit there and I will brain dump every single thing that I'm afraid of. So I'll go full doomsday with it and go, all right, I'm scared this is going to happen.

Tina Tower [00:23:30]:
I'm scared this person's going to hate me. I'm scared the money is going to dry up. I'm scared that I'll never be successful again. I'm scared, like I'll name every thought I have, whether real or not. What you're trying to do is just name those emotions and those thoughts that you're having. And then once they're all there on black and white, I can usually look at them and I bet you can too, and go, that is not true. They're beliefs that your brain is injecting in there to try and keep you safe, but they're not true. And so then you're able to detach from it a little bit more and go, that's a thought, but it's not the truth.

Tina Tower [00:24:06]:
So then I do some journaling prompts. If I really need to work through it, I'll go, what would I do? So I've got three main journaling prompts that I'm going to share with you. The first is what would I do if I fully believed in myself today? So if I looked at, looked at it, looked at the situation, looked at what I wanted to do, but I had been holding myself back for whatever reason, I will look at that and go, if I fully believed in myself, if I knew that it didn't matter what happened, I'm going to be okay. I'm going to be safe. Even if I fail spectacularly, I'm not going to lose the things that are important to me. I'm going to be good. Then what would that enable me to do? The second is, what is the actual fear behind the hesitation? So Anthony Robbins has this practice that he goes, why? Why? Why? Like, seven layers of why. And so when you're looking at something, the first response that you'll usually have, so why am I not doing this? Because I'm scared of showing up.

Tina Tower [00:25:01]:
Why? Because I'm afraid if I show up, people will judge me. Why? And so you're going through, like, seven layers of why. And it's usually by the time you get to, like, the seventh why that you're getting to the bottom of, like, that root fear that you're actually having. And it's only when you can name that root fear are you able to work through it. And if you want to be a successful entrepreneur, you need to be able to do these things in real time. Because so much of being successful in business is getting yourself out of your comfort zone, is mastering your own thoughts, is being able to move yourself through because nobody is encouraging you or helping you do it. There is no boss saying, you need to do this today. You could go sit on the couch for the next week.

Tina Tower [00:25:44]:
And the only ramification of that will probably be your bank balance. There's nobody that is making you do it. You really need to get best friends with your brain in how do you get yourself to help you do the things that you want to be able to do so that you can get the results that you want to be able to get. And so the third journal prompt that I use, which is my favorite is, where have I succeeded before and what did it take? So I, you know, I'm very big on mindset. But I'm also very pragmatic. And so I will look for proof. And so if I'm afraid of doing something that I haven't done before, I will look at it and go, okay, prove it. Can I actually do this? What can I actually do? Sorry, Joey, can you please edit that out? Sorry.

Tina Tower [00:26:39]:
Okay, so how can I actually prove it to myself? So what I'll do is I'll look at trying to find proof of any similar situation I have gotten myself into and how I was. Okay, so take speaking on stages, for example. I. When I started speaking on stages, I found it very difficult, Very difficult. I would feel nauseous, my hands would shake like it was a shit show. But I wanted to get better at it because I knew that if I wanted to run the business, I wanted to be able to run, I'm going to have to get good at presenting. And so it was really important to me to do that. Now.

Tina Tower [00:27:15]:
If I ever get nervous when I go before I go on stage, which happens all the time, I still get nervous before I run a webinar. I still get nervous before I step on a stage. I'm going on a big stage next Friday and I'm still feeling nervous about it. I know that when it gets like half an hour beforehand, my heart rate will start to change. I'll start to get a little clammy, I'll get a little skitsy. I'll start to think too fast and need to calm myself down. I know what is going to happen. I've been there enough to know that my whole nervous system is going to go, wait, no, we don't love this.

Tina Tower [00:27:52]:
But at the same time as I know that, I also know I'm really good at convincing myself to calm down. And so as soon as I start to go there, as soon as I start to look out at the crowd and feel my nervous energy rising up, I can go through this exercise. I can say, where have I succeeded before? And I can take myself back to the feeling of being on the stage before, where I felt the love from the audience, where I was standing there solid on two feet with my back straight, with my head up. I felt proud. I could look out. I knew that what I had shared had helped people in the audience. I could see people smiling and laughing and enjoying themselves. I can see them clapping.

Tina Tower [00:28:33]:
I can see those aha moments dropping in. And I know that I've impacted someone positively. I can play that montage in my head so that I know we've succeeded here before. Yes, our nervous system is afraid because I'm thinking about myself right now. I'm not thinking about them. But if I turn it and think about the people in the audience, we've got this, we can do this. And then I take a deep breath and on I step. And so the better you can get at that, the quicker you can change your brain, the quicker you can change your nervous system and get the result that you've been looking for.

Tina Tower [00:29:06]:
So you've got to reframe failure. And I think it's not a sign that you're bad. I know that some people will experience this especially a lot in the early days and go, oh, I'm just not good at this. I'm just not cut out for this. But nearly every entrepreneur that I know has gone through this in the early days. Actually, I would be hard pressed to find anyone that hasn't gone through this in the early days. And so when you're in that learning phase, you've just got to reframe it. It's just all part of, of learning.

Tina Tower [00:29:35]:
And every single big win had a messy middle every single time. You just don't see it all the time. But every single big win had that messy middle. And doubt is just fear. Wearing a different outfit. So we can walk with it. It will, like, I don't think that we'll be in a stage of growth where there's an absence of fear, but what we can learn to do is walk alongside it. Don't let it take the driver's seat.

Tina Tower [00:30:03]:
Don't let it be the thing that is dictating all your decision. You want to do that from your core, you want to do that from your soul led intuition. You don't want to let fear take that driver's seat. Okay, so how I stay grounded when that self doubt creeps in is I have, like, especially for big days, especially if I'm doing like a day of podcast recording or a day of coaching, I will protect my energy a lot so that I can stay in the right head space. And that usually looks like what I'm doing the night before as well as that morning routine. Like, can I get some movement in? Can I. Like when I wake up in the morning, making sure I'm being conscious about the thoughts that I'm letting take the driver's seat in my mind. Do I need to meditate? Like, really checking in and going, what do I need here? Especially for the big days, I make sure I listen to something inspiring.

Tina Tower [00:30:52]:
So I'm really careful about the music I listen to the podcasts, the audio books, the TV I watch, making sure that it's making me feel good, I'll constantly tap in with the purpose. So if I am going to do something and I have that feeling of like, oh I can't do this, like I don't want, I will tap straight back into why? Why am I doing this and who is it for? And that makes it worth it. The second that I think that is not worth it, I will stop doing the thing. But if I am feeling like that self doubt is coming in, I will take check, like take stock and go why am I doing it in the first place? Who is it for? And if that is still worth it. On we go. I'll also talk to my trusted business friends. So most of my friends, I think because I've been in business for most of my adult life, most of my friends are business owners. And talking to them, especially when you're feeling a bit down and out, what they'll help you do is trust in your power.

Tina Tower [00:31:53]:
They will shine the light on you, they will jeer you up, they will cheer you on and you can get that help from the people around you and get that support. Everyone needs cheerleaders like we all do. And so find that group of trusted business friends that can build you up. I would also limit the amount of time on social media if your comparisonitis is loud. So if you are feeling like you're comparing yourself to a lot of people and that's not having positive effects for you, which it rarely does, then I would use something like Opal. Opal is the app blocker that I use on my phone. And you can limit the amount of times you can open it a day, you can limit the amount of times you're able to access it. Like the amount of length of time mine is blocked from 7pm till 7am and then it's blocked from a Thursday night till a Monday morning.

Tina Tower [00:32:43]:
So that way it really limits your social media usage, which is good for your brain. So rebuilding after you go through all of this, how you can rebuild with the confidence and action is to take small steps. So a lot of the time we think success is made in these like big giant leaps, but that's actually not how sustainable success happens. It happens in the little baby steps consistently performed. So doing that one little next thing that just these micro actions are just going to build your confidence one on top of the other and then before you know it, you're like, oh my gosh, I got here. This is awesome. But it's Usually not these big massive leaps, it's usually these small little micro courageous steps that you're taking because the action gives you that evidence. So like my journal prompt I mentioned before with where have we done this before? Give me the proof that I'm going to be okay.

Tina Tower [00:33:36]:
This is where micro steps help is because you can do that thing and then you can tell yourself we did that. So if we did that, we can do this next thing. Like, let's just take that next small courageous step. Confidence also, I think doesn't precede success. It's built by showing up again and again. It is the thing that comes after the success. And I think a lot of people are waiting for this like infamous feeling of confidence before they step onto the stage or before they go live on social media or before they run a masterclass or a live event or whatever it is that you're wanting to do. You're like, well, I haven't built my confidence up yet, but confidence is built by doing the thing and letting the fear walk alongside you.

Tina Tower [00:34:19]:
It comes after the event. So create a proof file. Like let yourself mentally be able to keep stock of all those things, but also tangibly so. I have an email folder in my email account called Sentimental Happy. And what I do is whenever I get positive feedback, whenever I get a nice email, it goes into there. So that if I'm having a bad day, which we all get bad days, and I am sitting there going, I've got a bit of, I'm at a bit of a loss, confidence wise, or a bit of self doubt is creeping in, or I want to do something big that I've never done before, I will go in and I'll read those. Because one of my biggest values is I want to feel like I'm positively contributing. I want to add value to people's life.

Tina Tower [00:35:05]:
I don't want to be here to just be noisy. I don't want to just take up space. I want it to have a purpose. I want it to be intentional. And so sometimes when I'm going to do something, I'm like, is this really needed? Is this going to help people? It's very helpful to go back and then see the people that I've actually helped and know that the work that I do matters. And we need that. Sometimes we need that reminder to go, if you get out of here, if you do this thing, look at the people that you can help. And that's what it's all about.

Tina Tower [00:35:36]:
So I think create that profile and then celebrate even the tiniest Milestones. Celebrate your tiniest successes. Because the more that you acknowledge that, and this is an issue a lot of entrepreneurs have is they're like, they do the thing next, they do the thing next. And look, I am a massive fan of movement. I'm a massive fan of progress. I am a big fan of momentum. But you also want to acknowledge all of the steps that you've taken. You also want to acknowledge how far you've come, because that is what is going to build that confidence.

Tina Tower [00:36:06]:
Confidence that's going to allow you to do bigger and better things. That is the reason I don't have imposter syndrome is because I celebrate all of those little micro moments to the point where if, like, in situations where some people would feel imposter syndrome, I'm like, no, I'm awesome. Like, I earned this. I deserve this. And I don't think that's in an arrogant way. I think it's in the way of the proof is there. Like, you have the receipts. You are able to go, I worked hard, I did what I was meant to do, and I got the result.

Tina Tower [00:36:41]:
And if you celebrate that, it will imprint on your brain so that, you know, you're the type of person that follows through. You know, you're the type of person that sets a goal and goes for it. You know, you're the type of person that can trust yourself. And so you've got to, like, develop, cultivate that relationship with yourself so that you're able to. I sound like there's like, two parts. Have you read Richard Schwartz? Richard Schwartz has this book, no Bad Parts. And it's this, like, I used to think it was crazy until I read this book in going like, the different parts of yourself that talk to yourself. But he talks about the different parts of yourself and how you can talk to the part that's fearful.

Tina Tower [00:37:19]:
You can talk to the part that's content. You can talk to all the different parts of yourself so that you can all come together and work together instead of. Of fighting against different parts of yourself. So if you're interested in that, look up his book. It's a very difficult, chewy book to read. It is probably one of the hardest books I've ever read. It's definitely taken me the longest for the size that it is, but it's beautiful work. Gabby Bernstein wrote a book called Self Help, which kind of.

Tina Tower [00:37:49]:
I shouldn't use the word dumbs down, but that's what it does. It takes that concept that Richard Schwartz made, and it makes it a lot more palatable for the masses. So if you want that version, go Gabby Bernstein's Self Help. But if you want the real version, go Richard Swartz. No bad parts. If you want to read more on that. So when to rest and when to keep going is a good thing to talk about because sometimes doubt is just a signal that you need to rest. And this I think we're going to get to different stages of burnout.

Tina Tower [00:38:21]:
As an entrepreneur, like there's most, most of the women in my friendship circle have been in business for 10, 20, 30 years. And so everybody has been through different stages where they've had adrenal fatigue or they've had burnout. And I don't say that to be proud, we all want to avoid it. But when you are trying to grow, when you're pushing yourself out of your comfort zone level, when you've got young kids, when you got a heap of responsibility on your shoulders, that can happen. And so one of the things if you're feeling a lot of self doubt, I know in the past sometimes the only thing that it's caused by is because I'm tired. I just need a rest. I've just been pushing too hard for too long. And so sometimes it's not the reflection that we need to quit or that we're even having massive self doubt.

Tina Tower [00:39:09]:
Sometimes we're just sleepy. And so being able to recognize with that and check in with your energy, asking yourself, am I burnt out or am I afraid? And really being able to listen to that. And that's where journaling, I find really helps. And learning the difference between needing a pause and when you should give up and move on. Rest is a strategy. And a lot of the clarity that you get in business often follows the quiet. Now I want to finish with a poem that's called Don't Quit. It's one that used to be on the back of our bathroom wall when I was growing up.

Tina Tower [00:39:46]:
And so I want to read this because I think it's really pertinent to today's episode. So bear with me when things go wrong, as they sometimes will when the road you're trudging seems all uphill when the funds are low and the debts are high and you want to smile but you have to sigh when care is pressing you down a bit. Rest if you must, but don't you quit. Life is strange with its twists and turns as every one of us sometimes learns and many a failure comes about when he might have won had he stuck it out. Don't give up though the pace Seems slow you may succeed with just one more blow Success is a failure turned inside out the silver tint of the clouds of doubt and you never can tell how close you are it may be near when it seems so far so stick to the fight when you're hardest hit, it's when things seem worse that you must not quit. And I love that as a reminder because I see too many people have like a graveyard of broken dreams. And that is why I think the happiness levels of people dip in their early 50s is because people let their dreams die just before they're about to take one more blow and hit that success. And a lot of being able to withstand that, a lot of being able to sustain that and in your own, because in your own mind that's all that matters, is in your own mind your life is a success.

Tina Tower [00:41:18]:
And the measuring stick of success is so wildly different from person to person. And so whatever your yardstick is, if you pursue that, if you go after that, if you can master your mindset to the point where you can do the things that you want to do to have the life that you want to have, you've won. And it means that you'll be one of the happy 50 year olds. And that is what I want for you. You don't need to be confident to be courageous. Take those micro steps and you will be absolutely amazed at just how far you can go. So think of that one thing that you've been putting on off because that self doubt has crept in and my friend, go do it.